A Continued Balance

See this?

This is the line.

The line between

Then and now,

Down and up.

The line of balance

I constantly walk.

But I keep getting tripped up.

I'm just a clumsy tightrope walker

Hoping the net will catch me in time.

See this line?

I walk it

And you

You thinking I'm amazing-

Oh look at her, so responsible

So calm

Reliable

Sweet-

Until I go tumbling off the edge

Then it's all-

Why do you obsess

Worry

Stress

Overthink

Why why why-

Why.

Because that moment when I tumble through the air

Before my skin strikes net,

I am flying.

I am the perfect movie heroine,

The graceful, mysterious woman,

The adventurous, delicious thing

That enamors you.

I am self-realized,

I can see with these

Real eyes.

And sure-

Maybe I didn't so much as fall

As throw myself off

With full reckless abandon

Like I was sliding into home plate for the tie breaker during that final inning,

Not giving a thought about the pain and humiliation the plate-  the downer-  the net

will bring

Cause, hey, at least I flew,

At least I knew more than mediocrity if but for a moment,

At least my existence had some kind of crescendo to the score-

Who cares if it was more of a cacophony.

And as I continue to put on this circus performance,

Some days choosing to keep up the balancing act,

Others deciding to fly free,

I'm always the tiniest bit wary

Of the day when the net finally gives way to the flat ground below.