The Thought Garden

Why is being selfless so against my nature? Try to do the right thing, So I'm not left alone with just my mind to keep me company, Because, man, is that a scary place to be alone in. But people come and go, And in the end we're all really alone.

My mind is full of thoughts, like waves, washing away anything useful in my brain, ebbing away at the inside of my skull, a constant whirring that is impossible to ignore, And when finally the ocean of my thoughts calms, I am left with this empty feeling of unresolved hopes, Like a beach just out of reach.

If karma's a bitch, Then you can consider me on the run, Always making left turns and u-turns, But never the right ones, Getting lost right out of the starting gate, And not having the sense to ask for directions, That's me, The hopeless, lost girl wondering why she just can't seem to figure it all out, To get it right, To make it right, To be alright.

Sometimes you just need someone by your side...

1) As a child I had invisible friends. However, I made "voices" for my invisible friends. According to my mom it was very "red rum" kind of crap. 2) Until I was about 12, I would say "eh" at the end of every question. 3) When I was little I would sleepwalk to the fridge. 4) I used to put on intricate puppet shows, which I shouldn't have had the capability to think up at such a young age. 5) I used to do "science experiments" from things I found in the bathroom. I would then hide said experiments in dark corners to "ferment". My goal was to create the perfect silly putty substance. 6) I couldn't ride a bike until 7th grade. 7) I would hide for hours because I "didn't like to be bothered" when I was reading my books. 8) I was obsessed with building a clubhouse in my yard (which plays into today, a bit). 9) I killed my first goldfish by trying to feed it cat food (I was 5. Don't judge.) 10) I would dress

Try as I might, I can't step away from these expectations I have. Always hoping for the best, Even in the worst of situations. Playing out a million different scenarios in my mind, But throwing the pessimistic in the proverbial recycling bin of my thought-sphere, Whilst placing the most hopeful, yet unlikely, on a pedestal, like shiny, golden stars. Yet, despite this, I find myself, disgustingly, settling for the most mundane of outcomes, Ironically crossing my fingers for my "eventual" knight-in-shining-armor.