Bitter/sweet by TiffanyRose Kennedy

I have never been any good at transferring my happiness into poetic verse,

The sad words, and tortured tongues come easily,

But trying to explain sweetness has always been a bit more complex for me.

Perhaps it's fitting then,

That this poem is not about sweetness, but rather the bittersweet.

More specifically the bittersweetness of having these feelings I'm not allowed- supposed to- want---

These feelings that are not mine to have.

They say that the sum of the whole is greater than that of its parts,

And that's something I have always believed in,

Because that's how I think of all the little things that pull me towards you, they seem too regular- silly- simple- to have such a strong gravitational force.

Like the way you have such impeccable fashion sense for a guy, not too absorbed, but just enough,

Or the way you aren't afraid to be yourself, a bit quirky and weird, but still slightly self conscious about it,

Or the way you'd never actually admit to being self conscious- because you have that pride, that usually balances out, just before cocky.

Not to mention, your eyes- oh your eyes: they're like hot embers, but I never know if they're the kind of flame that laid siege to Pompeii or the kind you sit around and sing kumbaya to,

and every time I meet your gaze I want to keep staring you down and look away all at once.

But your laugh, the one you use when you find something genuinely funny, not that sarcastic one- although that's cute too, that laugh that resonates warmth throughout the room,

And then- then there's the way you just light up when you talk about something that you feel passionate about-

It's beautiful, and that's not a term I usually use for anything masculine, but somehow you pull that off too.

Even when you get stressed or upset, and I can sense the wave you're so willfully holding back, I know that because it's you I could handle that wave and calm it into the kind that rocked me to a near sleep state on summer days as a kid.

And I realize it's not just the parts of you, that make up the sum of you, that make my heart rage so strongly against my head- against the reality,

But it's also the parts you bring out in me by just being around,

The way my own sum is improved- by you.

Then there's the moments when I think- he can't be this amazing- he's not going to be able to handle this- but you do- and I secretly knew all along that you would,

I just didn't want to admit it to myself-

Because these feelings are not mine to have- to bear - to say:

I'm in love with you.

And you're in love with her.

And this is just a bittersweet poem you will never lay eyes upon.