The View from my Mind (excerpt from a story I'm working on)
A day never went by where I didn't over-analyze everything around me. I just can't seem but help to pay attention to all of it. I'm walking down the street and I'll notice the way the tree looks like its dancing. I'll be staring out my window and I'll see a cloud that looks like a foot. I'll be sitting in my room on the computer, and I'll take in every single time a car passes. It's pretty ironic, considering how people always see me as being absolutely oblivious.
I guess that's how my trouble always started. I would notice someone too much. Like when you're on the train, and the stranger next to you is having an amusing conversation with her mom, and you can't help but listen in and smile at the things you related to. Or perhaps I'm the only one that does that, too. I kind of wish I would grow out of the habit, that I would start ignoring everyone, instead of only pretending I am.
A part of me really wishes I never noticed him, though. And the other part? Well, that's the part that got me into this situation. It all started on the A train, ironically enough. I was worn out from the day, leaning against the doors, listening to my iPod. He got on at 59th street, and I noticed him right away. He had an amazing set of smoldering gray eyes, the kind that you could simply tell he was a thinker.
His hair was deep black, and mildly shaggy, the kind of haircut a 12 year-old has, but his face was the exact opposite. It was pale with high cheekbones, and a hint of stubble. For all the child-like nature of his hair and his light expression, his face was a pure canvas of masculinity. I felt self-conscious and a bit of a creeper for taking such notice of him. I wasn't used to noticing so much of a stranger, for all my tuning in. I wrote it off as a symptom of being recently dumped, and in the process of forgetting another.
I tried to tune it out at that point. I raised the volume on my iPod, and turned toward the front of the car, so he was no longer in my line of vision. After that it was easy to ignore him. I was getting better at ignoring boys that made me feel self-conscious. It was the normal commute home, until the train hit a sharp turn and I practically spun into the person behind me. It just so happened that is was him. The irony of my life continues to surprise me.
I should have mumbled a sorry and got off at the next stop. I should have, but I rarely do what I should. I apologized, caught in his iridescent silver eyes. It wasn't until what felt like an hour, but was more likely only a few seconds, that I realized I was staring. I was about to turn away, when I also realized he was staring right back. It would have been fine if it was a "Why are you looking at me" look, but it wasn't. I don't know what look it was, even now. All I remember is his eyes locked on mine, his lips turned in a half smile, his eyebrow slightly raised. Then the train doors opened, and the rush hour crowd hit.
Normally I would have noticed what stop the train was at, but I really couldn't have told you. I remember wondering, what is it about this boy that makes me so observant, yet so oblivious at the same time. Even then, it was obvious he rattled me, and things haven't changed much at all. It was while all of that was going through me head that he suddenly opened his mouth and spoke, "You okay there?"
It must have been amusing seeing me stand there, stumbling over my words.
"Um, yeah. Fine. Sorry. I have bad balance, inner-ear problem...um yeah. Sorry."
But he merely laughed and introduced himself. He introduced himself as Lee, which I found out later was short for Leer. That seems pretty ironic now, too.
I guess that's how my trouble always started. I would notice someone too much. Like when you're on the train, and the stranger next to you is having an amusing conversation with her mom, and you can't help but listen in and smile at the things you related to. Or perhaps I'm the only one that does that, too. I kind of wish I would grow out of the habit, that I would start ignoring everyone, instead of only pretending I am.
A part of me really wishes I never noticed him, though. And the other part? Well, that's the part that got me into this situation. It all started on the A train, ironically enough. I was worn out from the day, leaning against the doors, listening to my iPod. He got on at 59th street, and I noticed him right away. He had an amazing set of smoldering gray eyes, the kind that you could simply tell he was a thinker.
His hair was deep black, and mildly shaggy, the kind of haircut a 12 year-old has, but his face was the exact opposite. It was pale with high cheekbones, and a hint of stubble. For all the child-like nature of his hair and his light expression, his face was a pure canvas of masculinity. I felt self-conscious and a bit of a creeper for taking such notice of him. I wasn't used to noticing so much of a stranger, for all my tuning in. I wrote it off as a symptom of being recently dumped, and in the process of forgetting another.
I tried to tune it out at that point. I raised the volume on my iPod, and turned toward the front of the car, so he was no longer in my line of vision. After that it was easy to ignore him. I was getting better at ignoring boys that made me feel self-conscious. It was the normal commute home, until the train hit a sharp turn and I practically spun into the person behind me. It just so happened that is was him. The irony of my life continues to surprise me.
I should have mumbled a sorry and got off at the next stop. I should have, but I rarely do what I should. I apologized, caught in his iridescent silver eyes. It wasn't until what felt like an hour, but was more likely only a few seconds, that I realized I was staring. I was about to turn away, when I also realized he was staring right back. It would have been fine if it was a "Why are you looking at me" look, but it wasn't. I don't know what look it was, even now. All I remember is his eyes locked on mine, his lips turned in a half smile, his eyebrow slightly raised. Then the train doors opened, and the rush hour crowd hit.
Normally I would have noticed what stop the train was at, but I really couldn't have told you. I remember wondering, what is it about this boy that makes me so observant, yet so oblivious at the same time. Even then, it was obvious he rattled me, and things haven't changed much at all. It was while all of that was going through me head that he suddenly opened his mouth and spoke, "You okay there?"
It must have been amusing seeing me stand there, stumbling over my words.
"Um, yeah. Fine. Sorry. I have bad balance, inner-ear problem...um yeah. Sorry."
But he merely laughed and introduced himself. He introduced himself as Lee, which I found out later was short for Leer. That seems pretty ironic now, too.
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