Not So Sweet Sensitivity

I'm beginning to realize that being sensitive can be more of a curse than a blessing. When I was younger I thought it was a good thing that I could feel emotions so easily. It meant that I would never be stuck in one emotion too long. When I was feeling down all I needed was to read a novel with a happy ending and that emotion would block out the darker one.



Lately, however, it seems like my sensitive nature is getting the best of me. I'm constantly feeling guilty for things out of my control. This cloudy weather makes me broody and lethargic. The state of the world makes me worrisome and hopeless. But my ability is still there, to overshadow one emotion with another. The problem is that now I'm relying on it too often and frankly it makes me come off as bi-polar. My moods seem more volatile and overshadowing them is becoming more complicated. Its like I'm painting over layers and layers of paint on a metal fence and the whole paint job is just flaking away and rust is settling in.



I'm not really sure if I'm even making sense right now, and I know this entry pretty much goes against the theme of this blog, but I needed to get this down, where it might even possibly be seen, if anybody even reads it. The worst thing about this is not being able to keep any friends. I feel like this moodiness is pushing everyone away, which it pretty much is. I haven't talked to my old friends in months and I have barely any in my college. Sometimes I wish I could just hop on a plane and escape it all, go someplace where no one knows me, where I've yet to make any mistakes, where I have no responsibilities.

I wonder if I'm the only one that's like this...