Sometimes Say Never

I began to grow cautious of your existence,
When I realized that for me,
It might be more of a poison than a bitter medicine,
I thought perhaps you would teach me how to grow stronger,
To accept what I could not change,
But it seems acceptance is not in my nature.

And it is not your fault that I am this way,
You've given me honesty, and friendship, and shown me your flaws,
You try your hardest to make sure I have no expectations of you,
But I'm also expectant- Its who I am.

All these hopes that I have,
sitting on the precipice of my mind,
That I continually try to choke back.
 Because I know the way I'm feeling makes no sense,
That this-
this course that I wish my life would take is not an option,
Not even a possibility.

Yet I just can't seem to find the strength to remove you from my heart.
And I don't want to have to take drastic measures and cut you out of it,
Because as a person I really enjoy having you around,
I may be attracted to you,
And feel many things for you,
But even just as a person,
I am addicted to you,
And that's not a thing that easily happens to me,
Not a thing I usually admit to.

So I can't remove you, or cut you out of my life,
without losing a part of myself that I refuse to give up on,
The part of me that has hope for fallen things.

The only choice I have is to bear it,
Until one day I hopefully realize,
It was never really love anyway.